Cowboy Zodiac Signs | TheFencePost.com


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Astrology is one of those wonderful pseudo-sciences like naturopathy or the future of cattle that anyone with an imagination can quickly become an expert on. I took it upon myself to design my own astrological symbols. If there is a question under what sign you were born, just ask a friend. I present them to you now.

OKRA – People born under the sign of Okra are slippery, fluid and fluid. Without restraint, they can slide directly over their face. Okra make good sellers of molasses.

HOLSTEIN CROSSES – These people start out slow, never look like much but like the safe and stable turtle often finish first in the race, to everyone’s surprise! The feeders and the second sons fall under this sign.



COYOTE – Never the type to hide from responsibility, they run away from it! You hear them, you find their traces, but you rarely see them. They eat the crispy end of the loaf of bread, the fatty ham and the fried shrimp tails. You can find coyotes migrating every fall from Wyoming ranches to Arizona feedlots.

BLINKING BEER SIGN – People found under this sign are steady, bright, and sometimes inconsistent. They bring together wisdom and brilliance. Then they distribute it in a blizzard of flashing neon. You will often find nutritionists, veterinarians and economists in this category.



ARCADE SPACE INVADERS – AS Invaders are born sure of themselves. This confidence comes from always knowing what color of socks they are wearing and their current bank balance. They have very little patience with coyotes and dice. AS invaders make excellent bankers and wives.

DICE – As you can guess, these people tend to jump without looking, buy a Saskatchewan beachfront property, and land the bill. However, as long as they win, we consider them glamorous. Most of the dice feed the cattle.

MT. RUSHMORE – Individuals born under this sign spend a lot of time accumulating knowledge. They can be very helpful but tend to be idealistic at problem solving. Rushes make good county officers, graduate students, and columnists.

LIVESTOCK GUARDS – Usually strong, stubborn, and level-headed, they regularly get run over by Space Invaders, Dice, Okra, Holstein Crosses, Coyotes, Rushes, and Beer Flashers.

A large number of cattle herders end up raising animals.

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About Johnnie Gross

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