Part 2: Purple Editors on Life, the Universe, and Everything Else


“Is water a valid answer and will I be judged for it?”

We are now well advanced and it is more and more difficult to pretend that it is still the holidays. So with the haunting specter of exams no one ever asked for looming over us, we thought we were going to jump on Purple focus on the most important things in life. Read on for a dramatic debate over apple and orange juice and revelations from a Taylor Swift skeptic.

Scarlet: Have you heard of someone called Taylor Swift? You probably don’t have it because it’s such an alternative. Anyway, there’s this song called Intrepid which is pretty cool. I’m also going to go ahead and give two favorite songs because, anyway, questions are constructs. You can’t beat a little I want you to come back by The Jackson 5. If you don’t like the song then I’m not sure we can be friends. There is no such thing as tolerance and open-mindedness, right?

“Have you heard of someone called Taylor Swift?”

Anna: I have no idea, because I listen to anything and everything. So everything is my favorite? But I’m scared of having songs stuck in my head, so I can’t listen to the same thing too often. Musicals and Christmas carols are a big no-no. And also Taylor Swift, sorry Scarlet.

Conall: Whoever goes do-do doo dd-do duh duhh – do you know that one?

Scarlet: Why not the two of them? I mean I’m a bit of a grandma and can usually be found wrapped in a blanket with hot chocolate handy in the evening, but maybe one day I’ll spread my wings a bit.

Anna: Pre-COVID, I probably would have said. Cindies was my last night, rest in peace. But 14 months since, and seven since I even went to a pub, I have perfected myself at night. But if you gave me an ad now, I would take it.

Conall: From where?

Scarlet: Is it even a question? Visibly soft. I have a “generous” spoonful of sugar in my tea, and I am an absolute chocolate demon. I always have to have an overflowing selection of cookies in college or else I’m hungry at 1 a.m. and then all hell breaks loose.

“Otherwise, I’m hungry at 1 am and then all hell breaks loose”

Anna: Soft all the time. I was the # 3 major peanut butter buyer at Sainsbury’s last year (they use your Nectar card to track it by the way) and that’s something I’m proud of. I’m not sure if I should be impressed or worried about whoever is # 1 and # 2.

Conall: It depends a lot on the circumstances. A sweet roast chicken, for example, or salted milk, I imagine would be quite off-putting.

Scarlet: I love to complain that I procrastinate too much as a pleasant and reliable method of procrastination.

“And can you procrastinate on procrastination?”

Anna: A more interesting question would be: what counts as procrastination? If you are doing other tasks that need to be done then you are still productive, so is procrastination really there? And can you procrastinate on procrastination? So many more questions that need to be answered before I can think of my favorite procrastination activity.

Conall: I have never procrastinated in my life. What a notion.

Scarlet: Now we finally come to the important questions! I like both, but I’m an apple juice girl at heart. Orange juice can be a bit strong and sour at times, while apple juice never fails to hit the sweet spot.

Anna: Is water a valid answer and will I be judged for it?

Scarlet (in reply to Anna): Yes.

Conall: Apple, although preferably once fermented, at which point it acquires an analgesic effect.

Scarlet: I’m ashamed to admit that I’m not much of an animal lover. I really think a number of my friendships are on the verge of collapsing because I refuse to find cute, lovable dogs.

Anna: When I was younger I was obsessed with dolphins. I had a stuffed dolphin, “Dobdy”, but he died a noble death when we had a live puppy.

Conall: All kinds of talking birds, such as starlings, corvids or Carroll Spinney.


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